Why the “Let Them” Mindset Matters for Schools

Hoodies, ripped jeans, and dyed hair—could letting these go actually help your school thrive? ASMSA Executive Director Corey Alderdice explores how the "Let Them" theory, which advocates choosing trust and connection over control, can transform school culture, starting with dress codes. By focusing less on policing minor infractions and more on building relationships, school leaders can redirect their energy toward what really matters: student growth, learning, and emotional well-being.

For additional thoughts from Director Alderdice, visit coreyalderdice.com.

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Learn more about ASMSA at asmsa.org/thrive.

Transcript

Let's talk about something that often seems small, but somehow takes up a surprisingly big amount of emotional space in schools: dress codes. More specifically, I want to explore how something called the "Let Them" theory can completely reshape how we think about managing student behavior—especially when it comes to what they wear.

You might've heard of the "Let Them" theory recently—it's gained popularity online and basically boils down to the idea of not stressing over things. It's a mindset shift, one that says, "If someone wants to act a certain way—let them." Not because we're giving up or abandoning our principles, but because we're intentionally deciding where to invest our emotional energy. And when it comes to running a school, that distinction can make all the difference.

Dress codes are a prime example. Often, schools spend a huge amount of administrative and teacher energy policing clothing choices, measuring skirts, or debating hoodies. And while some standards are necessary to maintain a healthy and productive learning environment, we can probably admit a lot of these rules might be more about tradition or comfort level, rather than actual learning or student well-being.

To be clear: school dress codes should never be about discipline or control. At their best, they’re an opportunity to help students reflect on how they express themselves, how their choices convey identity, and how they want to be perceived by others. Instead of enforcing dress codes as a tool for compliance, schools can use them as an entry point for conversations about self-awareness, cultural norms, and personal agency. When students understand the why behind presentation—not just the rules—they're better equipped to navigate the world beyond the classroom with confidence and intention.

The "Let Them" approach challenges us to pause and ask ourselves: Does it truly matter if a student has dyed hair or pajama pants? Are these clothing choices harming learning, or are we just uncomfortable with things that feel different from our own experience?

The real power of "Let Them" isn't just about dress codes—it’s a broader leadership mindset. It helps us refocus our attention on the issues that truly impact our students' education and emotional growth. When we spend less time managing surface-level behavior and more time building trust, creating community, and prioritizing deeper learning opportunities, everyone benefits.

Think about a scenario you might face tomorrow morning: a student walks into school with an outfit that catches your eye, maybe even challenging your own sense of what's appropriate. What would happen if you simply let them express themselves without intervening? What if you instead focused your attention on greeting students, engaging in meaningful conversations, or addressing genuine challenges, like mental health support or academic needs?

That's what the "Let Them" theory can unlock—a culture of trust. It tells students, "We see you, we trust you, and we’re not going to expend energy controlling things that don’t ultimately move our schools forward." When you apply this theory in practice, you're subtly shifting the narrative from "control" to "connection," from "policing" to "prioritizing." And that shift sends a powerful message to students, parents, and staff alike.

Of course, it’s natural to worry that relaxing the grip on things like dress codes might lead to chaos or disrespect. But the truth is, students tend to rise to the expectations we set—not just in rules, but also in trust. When they feel respected, trusted, and given room to express their individuality, they tend to respect and value the community in return. They see school as a place that understands and supports them, rather than somewhere they're constantly being judged or corrected.

So, for school leaders listening right now, here’s a practical challenge for you in the coming days: Next time you face a minor rule infraction—especially something related to dress or personal style—pause and ask yourself, "What happens if I let them? What real harm comes from stepping back?" Use the mental space you gain by not micromanaging to engage students in conversations about their goals, their struggles, or their achievements.

Give yourself permission to let some of the small things slide so that the truly important things—learning, connection, growth—can flourish. Your school community might just surprise you with how smoothly things run when you're not sweating the small stuff.